The Place To BE

When my mom called me two days ago she said „Did you know that I was 34 years old when I gave birth to you? And today you are turning 34 yourself. Isn’t it incredible how time flies? Happy birthday, monkey.“ For a moment I felt really bad that I decided to be again away from home during my birthday but then on the other hand I felt really happy about my decision to finally move back to Cologne to be back with my family … for good. It calms me down to realise that I’ve finally reached a point in my life where even such an ultimate and wonderful city like New York cannot change anything about the decision I took.

After all the traveling, after experiencing life in different European, Asian and African countries, it’s somehow funny that I’m finally visiting the US, the very first country I ever wanted to visit when I was a child. I still remember how crazy I was about doing a high school year in the US and how devastated I felt when it didn’t work out just due to financial reasons. Actually that was the moment I told myself: as soon as I finish school, I will do whatever work, save enough money and just travel and stay wherever I like to.

By that time my fascination for foreign countries had shifted very much from the west to the east, but my desire for living abroad remained the same. I was determined that I had to travel as many different places as possible far away from my family, the country and society I was born into, in order to find out where I actually belong to.

The challenge of finding an answer turned out be a really exciting and intense time in my life … leaving home, feeling lost, being happy, worshipping freedom, accepting restrictions, working really hard, opening up my mind, living on success, ignoring failure, neglecting tradition, creating culture, running away, coming back, breaking up, falling in love, missing people, making friends for life, building networks, enjoying life, being discriminated, loosing faith, smiling at strangers, believing in magic … Of course I’ve realised pretty soon that this magical place and society where I probably belong to doesn’t exist. Even though this amazing city comes pretty close to the conception I always had about the place where I would just feel totally right and myself, by now I know it’s not about finding out where, but rather who I want to be and who I want to spend my time with.

I don’t want to belong anywhere, nor belong to anything or anyone. I just want to BE. Be close to my family, be close to my friends, be as close as possible to myself.

Thank you all for being part of my life and for letting me be part of yours .. in whatever way 🙂

Sending you much love from one of the greatest cities in the world.